Dear Friends,
Death, that threshold
into the unknown, has visited our homes
during the last twelve months, if only in the newspaper. We have looked
at the obituary pages, and seen familiar faces looking out at us – the faces of
people we have known and loved or known slightly but admired nonetheless. We’ve
seen the faces of people who died tragically, and others who had fought the
good fight against potent diseases. To talk about death before it’s proximate
for us or for our loved ones is an important thing to do. For, when death is
proximate, we want to deny it, to negate it. Death infuriates us, makes us
fearful, absorbs us in its details. Death, when it is upon us or our loved
ones, can hold us hostage. At that point, we cannot hold death up to the light, examine it, study it, put it
in a life context or learn the lessons that human history, religion and culture
have to teach us about death.
The Rev. Peter Gomez says in The Good Book, “Death is not something we want to understand or
know; death is somehow unfair, and in this country it is culturally
unconstitutional, violating our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness.” At the same time, individuals and groups are searching for ways to
help people be healthy in their dying. We also find people understanding death
in spiritual, religious and metaphysical terms and valuing these
understandings. Americans are coming to recognize death as a life
companion . It takes a certain daring to learn lessons of death and dying
before one needs them.
Death is too important a time in our life to enter into
without thinking about it – without preparation, but we are sorely tempted to
do just that. I don’t mean the how, when and where of dying. We can fantasize
about those things, but it’s not likely that we will die the way we think or
would like. Instead, it would be valuable
to prepare our minds and hearts for a reversal. Usually, we prepare for
the more: higher education prepares us for work, maturing prepares us for relationships,
growing to adulthood prepares us to embrace a bigger world. Preparation for
death acknowledges that one day, work will diminish, relationships will no
longer be as they were. Our world will shrink, for as we die, we shed
expectations, plans, the need to possess. Preparation for death opens us to the paradox:
less is more. Yes. In the face of death, less is indeed more.
The mystical teachings of ancient lands and people as well
as the Christian tradition all speak of death as a passage. Not the end, a
passage. Death is another stage of growth. Those of us who embrace Christianity acknowledge
the passion and death of Jesus as an indispensable part of our
tradition. If Jesus had died, and that was all, our faith would be fruitless.
But our tradition holds that Jesus passed through death to new life. We call
Him the firstborn from the dead, and what was real and true of Him is a promise
for all of us who live. Death is a door to life. It’s not an easy door to pass
through. It includes suffering. But for Christians who understand the meaning
of Christ and the power of His own experience, the only way out of suffering is
through it, and only Christ can get us through it.
We hope we will die well. But that can only happen if we do
sufficient “death-thinking” earlier in life. As the author Ira Byock reminds
us, “The honesty and grace of the years of life that are
ending is the real measure of how we die. It is not in the last days or weeks
that we compose the message of how we will be remembered, but in the decades
that precede them .Who lives is dignity, dies in dignity.”
-Sister Joan Sobala
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