Planning Our Remembrance

Dear Friends,

The harvest moon has waned and we are moving into this mystical time when nature, here in the north, has matured for another year. We, too, day to day, move on toward our complete maturing and the time when we cross over into eternal life. Then we will be finished. Not done, but as the Psychologist James Hillman suggested, we will be finished with the patina of a piece of furniture which has been rubbed with oil or bee’s wax until it glows. We are all moving on toward a time when we will glow with the finish that is unique to us. 

Some of us will pass in a moment from a heart attack or accident. Others of us will suffer long and arduously. We can’t plan when our last days will come, unless we are personally violent with ourselves, which I hope we are not. But all of us have time now to plan out how we wish to be remembered in our families and communities. We tend to put this off. We say: “My family will take care of it. They will know what to do.” But you know something? They won’t know what you wish unless you tell them and if possible, work with them now to create what you wish for. 

The pandemic has changed some peoples approach to celebrating the conclusion of their loved ones’ earthly lives, but we are coming out of that time into bright sunshine again. In the light of this new time, what do we want to reclaim from former practices around a loved one’s death? For ourselves, what do we want at our own time of death?  

To begin, believe that your life is worth remembering and celebrating. We can say that we haven’t been much or done much, but we have been all we could be. We have grown and contributed to life, we have believed and loved God and people in some way. Those who have accompanied us through some phases of our lives will want to say goodbye and thank you. Our Church, if we have one, has tender rituals to send us on and comfort our loved ones.

So, consider putting together funeral plans. Include a wake. “No,” you groan. “I don’t need that!” But your loved ones do, and people who have known you over time need that, especially if they can’t come to your funeral. 

I recall at my Dad’s wake meeting a tall, distinguished looking stranger, who told me that when he was a fledgling in the management of Bethlehem Steel, where my Dad was a seasoned man in the field, my Dad trained him in understanding the industry, and in kindness and justice for the worker. I would have never known that without a wake and this man would not have been able to honor Dad with his presence. 

Plan your funeral ahead of time with a pastoral minister from your church and get it into your paperwork for the end times. What readings? What music? Who to participate? Other details?

How you and I approach our end times and the celebration of our lives is a gift to and a lesson for others. Let yourself be loved and mourned over. Let others wrap you in love as they hand you over to a future life with God.

~Sister Joan Sobala