Let's Talk About Family

 

Dear Friends,


On the Sunday after Christmas, the church celebrates the feast of the Holy Family.  Looking out last Sunday over our parishioners at The Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary,  Brockport, it occurred to me that the time to start talking about families is now (all the better to celebrate the Holy Family later this year.)

We are entering into a long period when families get together, remember people who have died or for whatever reason, won’t be with us this season: Thanksgiving, Advent, the whole Christmas season.

So let’s talk about families, which come in all sorts of sizes and shapes: traditional two-parent families, single-parent families, couples who have no children, families of choice, blended or adoptive families. Single people have extended kinships that are, for them, family. Religious congregations are families, so are intentional families, the families of our neighborhood and world.

Family life is precious- whether it is our own personal family, where our weaknesses are accommodated and our victories applauded or whether it is the family of the universe to which we belong. This is a time to consider the ones who are  alienated from our family and what can be done to restore that relationship.

As we gather over the next six weeks or so, I hope we can bear within us the consciousness of the companionship of God, who helps us deepen and treasure the many aspects of family life, and actively cultivate respectful, tender attitudes toward one another. God is our model in this, since God is a family. God loves families with a lasting love and wants our various families to be whole.

Here’s a helpful summary of the power and value of family offered by  the moral theologian, James B. Nelson:

    Each of us needs a place where the gifts of life make us more human, where we are linked with ongoing covenants with others, where we can return to lick our wounds, where we can take our shoes off and where we know that within the bound of human capacity, we are loved simply because we are. Because that human need will not die, the need for the family will not die. That human need and its fulfillment are one more reason for giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day.

    Gracious God, hold our family close to You. In our comings and goings, let our hands and hearts show welcome to all who belong to us. Help us to realize they belong to You as well. We pray in the name of our Brother and Lord, Jesus, and with the tenderness of the Holy Spirit.  Amen

~Joan Sobala, SSJ

Crown of Thorns..Is it Your Story?

Dear Friends,

This is a true story. It is also a version of our own stories, but first, the story.

My mother, Celia had a friend named Laura, who lived a few blocks away in Friendly Village, Manchester, NY. Laura’s deepening illness took her first to the hospital, and then to a nursing home. Laura never came back to her home again.

Celia and a few friends were hired by Laura’s lawyer to help prepare the house for sale. Laura had been away from the house for seven months, so the air was stale and dust was everywhere. The lawyer had provided a dumpster, so that the women could discard all the things that had no obvious value.

On an accent table in the corner of the living room was a pot with dried soil and in the soil what looked like a stick. Celia took the pot outside, but couldn’t make herself throw it into the dumpster. First she set in on the ground next to the dumpster. A few days later, she picked it up and put it on a table on the patio. Then she put it in her car. Celia didn’t know what this plant was, but it had taken hold of her and she couldn’t heave it away.

With  biblical care, she placed it in her living room where the bright morning sun could warm it. She watered it, and yes, talked to it. The stick  began to enlarge as water flowed through its length. Eventually, bright green leaves appeared and tiny pink flowers. The plant was … a crown of thorns. The year the crown of thorns came from Laura’s home to Celia’s was 1986.  Now, 27 years later, it thrives at a friend’s home, bright with flowers and stands almost seven feet tall.

You can probably see a variety of ways the story of the crown of thorns is your story as well. I certainly do.

Have we been neglected, unwatered. Have we been left to die? What God-figure has taken us home, watered us, talked with us, placed us in bright sunshine? Have we grown seven feet tall?  Have we been Celia for others?

~Joan Sobala, SSJ

Prepare Your Heart for Thanksgiving

Dear Friends,

Miriam has just put enough cooked squash into her freezer for the eighteen people who are coming to Thanksgiving dinner at her home. The fresh turkey is ordered, all the phone calls are made to give others their assignments. Now, Miriam, our Nativity Brockport parishioner says she can take time to prepare her heart for Thanksgiving. “No sense celebrating on the surface”, she told me last Sunday. “Thanksgiving has to be in here (she tapped her breast) all year long, but now it is bubbling up.” What a remarkable realization wells up in this energetic senior woman.

Let’s join Miriam for these next several weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. Let’s collect lists of the many people, things and situations for which we have a clear or emerging gratitude.

Sacred Spaces –
What are your own sacred spaces - places you have had or need to live and grow, survive difficulties and stand in wonder-  places you go to, create, recognize. Holy places. Maybe churches, maybe outdoors. Who knows where? Do you?

Meaning Makers -
Who helps us understand the roller coaster ride that is called life? Who inspires us? Who has challenged us to be satisfied and grateful for life and who has taught us to be dissatisfied and thereby to be and do more?


Consensus builders-
Who are the ones in your world (or the big world) who help the future happen because they value compromise over rigidity?  How do they do it? What lessons are in it for you?

Whole Makers-
The primary wholemaker, according to theologian Ilia Delio, is Jesus. “He brings together what is fragmented and divided,” she says.  Who stands in His shadow for you? Who creates unity while letting people be themselves?

This is not the usual  list of people, situations and things for which people are encouraged to be grateful. Got any more?
~Joan Sobala, SSJ






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Here’s an invitation: On Wednesday, November 20th, our Fresh Winds conversation turns to our gay, lesbian, transsexual and bisexual brothers and sisters and how they are both church and received as church.  Originally, Bishop Clark was to lead our conversation. Regrettably  for him and us, he couldn’t be with us. Standing in for him are Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata , founders of Fortunate Families, and recognized national speakers about families of LGBT men and women.  Bring friends with you when you come to our motherhouse, 7 – 8.30 pm.

What's the Backstory

Dear friends,

Among the recently coined words that people are using is backstory as in  “ Here’s the backstory on this late-breaking news.”

We used to say “background”, but I think backstory is useful in a different way. Background  leaves people with facts but not necessarily with an experience to walk around in.

My friend, Bill Winfield, recently died on a Friday at Strong  Hospital. Two days later, his great-granddaughter was born at Strong. One backstory that allowed Bill’s funeral to have a measure of joy was the realization that God claimed Bill but gave the family new-born life as well.

Backstories of faith are not necessarily seen on the faces of people we meet.  We have to spend time with them. Listen to what emerges as they share their thoughts with us.

Next weekend, we’ll hear the biblical story of Zacchaeus.(Luke 19.1 – 10) Go read it for yourself. Even try reading it outloud. What's his backstory? How was he raised? Why did he become a tax collector? Was he a good one? Was he honest? Did he hear Jesus tell the story of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector? (We heard that one last week.in Luke 18. 9 – 14.) Did he wonder if he was like that tax collector? The  text doesn’t tell us Z’s backstory. That gives us a chance to wonder, create Z’s character, walk with him. And then there was the day that Zacchaeus and Jesus met. Zacchaeus in the tree. Jesus gazing up at him. Did they take each other’s measure? Did they wonder where each had come from, why they were so aware of one another?

Jesus and Zacchaeus. Two stories. Two backstories. One shared moment of grace.

This week, find someone gazing at you. Meet his/her eyes. Respect the richness of that person’s journey. What drives him/her up his own  tree?  Here is our own Zacchaeus whose story and backstory intersects with ours. Be conscious of the connection. Be enriched and humbled.

Blessings on your week,

Joan Sobala, SSJ

Be Saintly

Dear Friends,

I know I did All Saints Day and All Souls Day last week, but this time of year the sweeping winds and swirling leaves and shortening days somehow keep before my mind’s eye the topic of saints and life beyond our known life. This week, however, I’ll be brief and offer for your delight some thoughts from a man named Matthew R. Brown. Though I can’t provide you with any information about the author, his words speak to us of the vastness of the great cloud of witnesses of which we will be a part when we cross over. Brown writes:

It is the glory of the Church that it cannot name all the saints.

It is the glory of the Church that it cannot remember all the saints.

It is the glory of Christ that we cannot count all the saints…

The faithful cling to the roots of the saints, growing up from the ground.

How many saints there are, with more becoming so every day.

Now go out and be sainted.

Be saintly. It is a daring adventure beyond imagining in God’s love story with people like you and me. 

~Joan Sobala, SSJ

Celebrate the Saints ~ Be Connected with this Life and Beyond

Dear Friends,

Let’s think ahead a couple of weeks to when we will celebrate what our Hispanic brothers and sisters call The Days of the Dead – a harvest feast of those who have gone before us in the communion of saints. We begin our celebration on the holy vigil of All Saints, Halloween, and continue through November 1^st (All Saints Day) and November 2^nd(All Souls Day.)… indeed, on through November, when the earth itself, in these northern climes, seems to fall asleep.

All Saints Day and All Souls Day are ancient feasts. All Saints Day was originally celebrated during the Easter season. In 835, the feast of All Saints was moved to November 1^st and connected with the harvest festivals. The remembrance of All Souls was instituted at the influential monastery at Cluny, France in the eleventh century. Before long, the whole church celebrated this feast, linked with the feast of All Saints and its vigil.

Even though our society has taken over Halloween and turned it into the second most lucrative holiday of the year, Halloween is a Christian feast. In earlier times, Christians would go out on All Saints Eve to await the first star of the evening. Then they would light a candle in a lantern to burn for the three nights of the feasts. Christ the Light scatters the darkness and shows people the way home. The light banishes the ghouls and the goblins that threaten to overtake us.

Then there is All Saints Day. In celebrating collectively all the saints we need to remind ourselves that “the true company of the saints is more numerous than the list of those who have been formally canonized. There are many anonymous saints  who nevertheless form part of the great “cloud of witnesses,” who surround us with their faith and courage and so participate in the communion between the living and the dead.” (Robert Ellsberg, All Saints.)  Kenneth Woodward, in Making Saints, says that “the story of a saint is a love story of a God who loves and the beloved who learns to reciprocate this love – a story that includes misunderstanding, deception, betrayal, concealment, reversal and revelation of character” The feast of All Saints strengthens and encourages us to stay the course of our own love stories with God.

We all have our favorite saints: canonized ones as well as our family members, neighbors and friends.

The ones closest to us we remember on All Souls Day. But what do we do to remember them?

Here are some thoughts to use to spin off your own ideas:

• Make a display in your home of beloved people who have died. Invite your family and friends to bring over their own pictures. One evening, light some candles, gather around and tell stories of these people’s faith, humor, courage, goodness. Toast them. Pray in thanks for them.
• Visit your family graves in the cemetery. Thank the deceased for the good they were and did. Commit or recommit yourself to the values that made them special. Or perhaps, you may have to make up with your loved one buried there. Perhaps some issues have been unresolved. Why wait any longer to be reconciled? Speak words of reconciliation and love. Leave a little stone as a token of remembrance.
• Tell the children of your extended family the stories of those who have died and what gifts of character they had.
• Begin a winter’s worth of care for the lonely, the homebound.
• Think of your own death and the deaths of your loved ones. How can you each die with faith in your hearts, touched in the reality that each of us will die one day? How will others know what is important to us to have read and sung unless we tell them?

Beginning October 31^st, all three of these celebrations will either be part of our experience or we will ignore them- to our own loss. Here’s the “to do” list:

Celebrate the saints we meet everyday.

Take off our  masks and be who we are.

Hold up the holy ones who have gone before us.

Be connected with this life and beyond.

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I’ve recently published a small reflective journal, Good Morning God, to help capture the reader’s daily and seasonal thoughts on a score of topics. I’ll be in the atrium of Saint Anne Church (1600 Mount Hope Avenue 14620) on Sunday, October 27^th for a book signing. Come by to say hello between 1 pm and 3 pm. Books will be specially priced at $10.00. You can also get them at the front desk of our motherhouse (150 French Road 14618.)

~Joan Sobala, SSJ

Satisfy the Hungry Heart

Dear Friends,

Hunger comes in many forms and we deal with it in many ways. We talk about the world’s hungers, dieting to control rampant hunger urges. At the end of their tether, people embark on hunger strikes to draw attention to a cause. Jesus surfaced in people the many hungers of the heart and found them to be of two kinds: the hunger for truth, love and clarity, justice and peace or the hunger for gain, the desire to be top banana. The greatest gift that Jesus offers is union with Him, His Father and their Spirit. Each week, when we participate in the Eucharist, we come to the one who “satisfies the hungry heart”, as the old  hymn goes.

Fr. Dan O’Leary has an article in the 24 August 2013 issue of THE TABLET in which he speaks the far reaching embrace of Jesus in the Eucharist through us:

“The utter humanizing of God in flesh, bread and wine sounds shocking. No other religion talks about its God in this incarnational and eucharistic way. We are not saved by doctrines, Scriptures religions, pilgrimages and rituals. God comes to feed us- people of the flesh- in the earthy and unique intimacy of food. And we do not just look at it and adore it. We touch, taste, eat and drink it…. When we sit at the table of truth, immediately after receiving Holy Communion, we hear the vital assurance: “I am the living food of your flesh. I am the vibrant wine of your energy, the power within you. In me you are made complete, and you are invincible even in your darkest winter. And when your heart is full, it will overflow into other hungry hearts.”

For now, welcome the  hunger for God developing in fresh ways within you. Treasure the hunger and learn to recognize the ways that hunger is assuaged in our daily life as we serve the hungers of the world.

Jesus, Bread of Life and Cup of our Salvation,

may our hunger for You mirror,

in our own searching way,

Your holy hunger for us.

Amen.

~Joan Sobala, SSJ