My Heart is Ready

Dear Friends,

From the earliest times of human consciousness, love was a gift and a challenge. People tried to understand the stirrings of the heart by creating definitions of love which, in fact, never completely captured this multifaceted aspect of human beings. The ancients divided love into three kinds: agape – the love of the divine and the divine in us, filio – the love of fondness and friendship with those with whom we share life and experience, and eros – sexual love.

Poets have written about love.  John Henry Cardinal Newman  took as his episcopal motto “cor  ad  cor loquitur” Heart speaks to heart. Rejected sexual love can morph into hatred and sometimes violence. Then too there is the love of friendship, the love of people for their pets who are endlessly faithful .

Love is not chosen. It arises unbidden in us and lasts long after dementia or death cause separation. My mother’s friend, Laura, was in a nursing home the last eight months of her life. Her mind clouded, Laura could no longer remember my mother’s name, but my mother continued to visit her, and each time, from some deep place, Laura recognized my mother.  “You’re my friend, “Laura would say.

Childhood experiences sometimes affect the breadth and scope of our love long into our adult years. Tommy, as a second grader, saved his allowance so he could buy 5 Valentines for his five favorite fellow second graders. ”How many in the class? ” Tommy’s Mom asked. “20.” said Tommy. Mom showed him a packet of 20 cards for a dollar.”  “Then you could give one to everyone in the class.” Tommy’s Mom pointed out and waited. Tommy swallowed hard, but he took his mother’s suggestion. One little girl in the class, came to Tommy on Valentine’s Day, tears in her eyes, clutching a card close to her. “ Oh Tommy, thank you. Yours is the only Valentine I got.” Tommy told me this story when he was forty.

If Valentine’s Day can be celebrated with a wide embrace, it can also be celebrated as a time to renew and deepen our commitments. Commitment is not a popular idea in our culture. A segment of our population today favor: try this or that. Give our bodies to someone on a temporary basis. Make ourselves the sole measure of the choices we make.

Commitment to our work does make it big these days – but other commitments are harder to stay with, grow with . I’m thinking of marriages left because someone more appealing came along, the priesthood or religious life never tries because the sacrifices are too many.

If you’ve continued in a relationship with others for years, Valentine’s Day can be a time to recommit and resolve to find new ways to grow together. If you’ve given yourself to God through a religious commitment of whatever kind, make time to spend with God on Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day can be a time to choose again, to repeat our yes, to transform a day of knickknacks, candy, trifles and trite phrases into a time of love, truly deepened with our God and one another.

My heart is ready, O Lord. My heart is ready.

-Sister Joan Sobala

Let's Dare to Forgive

Dear Friends,

One of life’s hard but necessary lessons is to learn to be people in whom forgiveness resides...to be able to forgive others for what they have done to us…to ask forgiveness of those whom we have injured… and to forgive ourselves for what we have done to others. If we don’t forgive, then we will die inside.

Forgiveness is a relational process. It involves God and us in personal and sacramental ways. We don’t go immediately from whatever generated the need for forgiveness to making forgiveness actual in our life. Maybe we need to walk away from the event, leave it alone for a while. Take a break. We also need to develop a certain patience and refuse to let the thought of whatever it was stay in the forefront of our mind. Other bigger, growthful thoughts can’t occupy our minds if we are so preoccupied with the memory of whatever it was. Only with time (different for each of us), can we decide what we need to do so that the memory of whatever it was does not swallow us up. Lay it to rest. We know that forgiveness is real when it no longer hounds us and we are free to go on.

Jesus taught us the full measure of forgiveness, by his words to his followers to “forgive 70 times 7 time”(that is to say endlessly  - Mt 18.22). He told us “if you do not forgive, neither will you Father in heaven forgive you (Mark 11.26) His greatest lesson in forgiveness was the way He died on the cross.” Father, forgive!” He cried out in Luke, his words washing over Jerusalem with love Luke 23.34).

It is So Hard to Love…

To unlock the heart

To release the bottled pain….

So hard to stop running

To embrace the one hated

To love and forgive.

So hard…

To unclench the fist

To surrender to God.

-Joseph Varga

Jesus is the Lord of Second Chances. When we feel dead inside and wonder if we can ever be resurrected, Jesus, the Holy One, is there offering forgiving love and bidding us to do in like manner.

God’s forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others are inextricably linked. Once we recognize and own that we are forgiven by God, then we are free to treat each other as though we are forgiven. In our world that is so full of dissing, hatred and violence, forgiveness of others and ourselves opens doors and windows. Goodbye, road rage. Goodbye, revenge. The world feels different, tastes different, is different.

In our dismal days of national strife, let’s dare to forgive, and with God, create a new world.

-Sister Joan Sobala

What owns us?

Dear Friends,

I have a list of people to look for and talk with after I cross over into eternal life. Among them is the rich young man who comes to Jesus in all earnestness and asks what he must do to enter eternal life. Jesus tells him to obey the commandments. “All these I have kept from my youth” the rich young man replied. Jesus looked on him with love, assessed the man to his core and told him “One more thing you must do”, namely sell what you have, give to the poor and follow him. The man went away grieving, for he had many possessions. (Mt.19-22, Mk. 10.17-31, Lk.18.18-30) How did this man live the rest of his life? Did the rich young man ever regret his decision to walk away from “the more “ that Jesus asked of him?

Many of us approach Jesus as the rich young man did. We gladly embrace the Jesus who comforts and affirms us. The question is: What owns us?  Are we what we have: accumulated goods, riches, a measure of power, a lauded position, a title, children, a  record  of real moral and spiritual seriousness? What do we desire more of and fear having less of? What do we stake our life on?

It’s true that in our daily lives we attend to the commitments that engage us and that we use things in the process. Having things is not the issue. The real problem is attachment to things. The wealth and prosperity we have, whatever forms they take, should enable the journey of life rather than become more important than the journey itself.  What matters is that we detach ourselves from the overwhelming sense of needing to cling to whatever we treasure. Meister Eckhart writes: “There, where clinging to things ends, is where God begins to be.”

There’s a vast chasm between the faithful performance of moral and religious duties of the commandments and the real surrender of ourselves that arises from trust in God. We are bound, for example, to do no violence to our neighbor, but we have a choice whether to bind one another’s wounds. The call is to go beyond the necessary to the generous and whole-hearted.

“One thing more you must do” varies from person to person. Your one thing to surrender to God is not necessarily mine. We have to know ourselves reasonably well, have a sense what God is calling us to let go of, and make our choice generously. One choice leaves out other choices, so we have to pray with openness to God to know our own particular path of detachment from things.

In these cold, dark winter days, when we sit with our computers and scout Amazon for new toys, it’s easy to feather oneself with one more thing. Instead, let’s find ways to support others in their growth toward wholeness of life. Become what we hope the world will be.

A few verses after he encounters the rich young man in each of Synoptic Gospel accounts, Jesus tells his followers: “All things are possible with God.” We may have even quoted this encouragement to others in tough moments. Let’s invite each other to apply it to ourselves as we ask “What more should I do…?”

Unity of All Christians

Dear Friends,

Thank God that God is God. Any lesser being would grow frantic and confused by the stories of contemporary church experiences as well as the attitudes and conclusions of the members of the Church that are in the news these days.

Harper’s magazine's cover story for December, 2018, tells of “The Plight of Christians in an Age of Intolerance”. The author, Janine di Giovanni, takes the reader  through the villages near Mosul in Iraq which have been the homes of Chaldeans Catholics since the earliest Christian centuries. Today their churches are ruined, desecrated by the Islamic State, and the people, clutching their faith close to their breasts, are leaving the area.

Likewise, di Giovanni says, the stories of Christian Palestinians, Christians in Syria and Coptic Christians in Egypt are full of violence as they are persecuted by Muslim radicals.

In the Middle East, as well as elsewhere across the globe, people are dying for their faith. By contrast, in the northern hemisphere in particular, people are leaving the Catholic Church, enraged and disgusted by the sexual abuse by clergy, but more to the point, because the hierarchy is so indecisive in taking strong action.

The lead article in the National Catholic Reporter for January 11-24, 2019 is by Melinda  Henneberger, formerly of the New York Times . Entitled “Why I left the church”, Henneberger is clear that for her to stay is meant to prop up a failing institution.

Perhaps you and I stand with the Chaldean Catholics or with Melinda Henneberger or maybe we’re in between, in something of a love hate relationship with the church. Do we leave, defect in place or do we continue to love the Church for what it is at its very core?

Because that’s where we must go – to  the very core of the Church, - Jesus the Christ, the Holy One, Our Savior and Brother. We can go elsewhere, and try to make ”elsewhere” our new home. That will work for some people. Will it work for you or for me? We do have to face that question and act in a way that firms up why we are where we are and what we hold close to our breast.

From January 18 (the pre-1960 feast of the chair of St. Peter) to January 25 (the feast of the conversion of Saint Paul), Christians are called to a week of prayer for Christian Unity. Most of the time, we believe that means unity among separated  Christian Churches. But it could also mean that we pray for unity in our own house. Division, separation, public or silent rejection are not the only ways of dealing with obviously stressful church relationships. Let’s quiet our blood pressures and take a deep plunge into the heart of what the church means at its deepest level: the Body of Christ, the community of believers who empower one another to stay close to our Risen, ever- present Christ. Let us love those who have left, and the persecuted . Let us be the Body of Christ for one another.

~Sister Joan Sobala

Life on the Edge or Life in the Center?

 Dear Friends, 

People sometimes describe themselves as either living at the center or living on the edge.

Viewed from one perspective, neither is conducive to human growth or sensitivity to God. Living at the center can mean that a person is self-centered, complacent, very comfortable. The one who lives at the center may have a few lazy thoughts about God and may ‘live by the rules” just enough not to get into trouble with God or other people. But living at the center involves no compelling or driving force. It is safe there, and renders one a veritable couch-potato, who cannot be bothered with others but grasps every bit of the good life for himself or herself.

Living on the edge can be no better. Sometimes living on the edge is synonymous with restlessness, a devil-may-care attitude that thrives on dangerous activities and destructive impulses. Life on the edge can mean addiction. It can mean abusing oneself or others through promiscuous sexual activity. 

Life at the center and life on the edge, understood in these terms, have nothing to do with being a Christian. Yet, in another sense, the Gospel calls us to live both at the center and at the edge.

Jesus, in the Gospel, tells us to take up our cross daily and follow him (MT.10.38). Elsewhere, he tells us that in order to follow him, we may have to choose contrary to the wishes of family and friends (Luke 14.26-27). We may even choose contrary to the accepted wisdom of the day because we believe that God is calling us to do so. The pressure can become so great that we become fragile, weighed down, burned out. Now that’s living on the edge.

At this point, the Wisdom of God, the Spirit of God beckons us to the center – a place of sustenance, the regrouping of strength in the face of family tragedy, economic disaster, the unravelling of a relationship or an illness. Recall the moments when Jesus took his overwhelmed disciples of to pray, and how Jesus sought the solitude of Gethsemane as his passion and death loomed near. Remember how the disciples of Christ went off after the Ascension to pray, their hearts open to the coming of the Holy Spirit.

The courage needed at the edge is gathered at the center, and as we live the Christian life, we need to move between the center and the edge.

Commitment to Christ is not a grim denial of life, as it might seem from the seriousness of these thoughts. Rather, commitment to Christ is life lived in recognition that we are never alone. “In every age, O Lord, You have been our refuge,” we sing in Psalm 90.

Christ is with us when we totter on the edge, when we rejoice and regroup at the center… Christ in whom there is victory, resolution, sadness and misery overcome, and joy to the full experienced.

However stable or changing our lives, whether we find ourselves on the edge or in the center, Jesus, our Brother and Savior, is with us. 

Good thoughts during the relentlessness of winter!

~Sister Joan Sobala

Listen to your Dream

Dear Friends,

The story of the Magi in Matthew’s Gospel, touches us as we consider the daring of these shadowy figures – how they followed a star and  travelled great distances  to seek the child they knew was born to rule.

Today, let’s look at the darker side of this story, and in particular, let’s look at Herod. We usually skip over him, but studying him can  help us appreciate the courage of so many others in this story. 

Herod knew from consulting his own priests and wise men that the child for whom the Magi searched was long awaited . He was the realization of hope in the very people over whom Herod was king. Now, in Herod’s own lifetime, this longing would be fulfilled. Instead of responding with wonder and joy as the shepherds did, Herod, responded with selfishness and deceit. He was threatened to his core. This infant must be destroyed. In his rage at the thought of being unseated, Herod massacred the children in the area where Jesus  lived, hoping Jesus would be among them. Great sorrow covered the land, but Herod didn’t care.

We don’t like Herod. We don’t like any of the Herods of the Gospel - not  the one who sought the child Jesus, nor the one who killed John the Baptist, or who went after the adult Jesus.

This Herod of Jesus’ infancy, failed, not because Jesus had an army better than Herod’s or because Jesus had greater intelligence. Herod’s plan failed because the Magi, Mary and Joseph listened to the word of God and obeyed it.

In the face of the demonic in today’s world, will we listen to the word of God and obey it? Obedience is not a popular term today. We Americans don’t like to be  told ” Do this. Don’t do that.”  As if that’s what true obedience is. We prefer to dialogue, and then  leave  each other to our own opinions. After all, we argue, it’s the adult and self-directing thing to do.

But to whom or to what can we be properly obedient? Whenever I feel my back against the wall, I try to remember to be to obedient  to the unenforceable. That’s a definition of ethics I came across some time ago. Ethics is obedience to the unenforceable. When I know I must do something and no one else knows I must do it, it is unenforceable. Will I do it or not? 

When no one is watching and I feel compelled to act in a particular life-giving way, what I am moved to do is unenforceable. Will I do it or not? Joseph had his dream.  The Magi had their dream. The messages they were given were unenforceable. No one made them act, but they knew what they needed to do and they did it. They made decisive responses  and that made all the difference.

This year, 2019, new  Herods  will arise and maybe some old ones will return. Personal  Herods  who want to destroy our very lives or macro- Herods whose egos are so huge that they believe  only what they want matters in the world. In these moments of potential conflict, stand firm. Listen to your dream. Go where it tells you to go. Do not tarry. Do not be afraid. Follow the star. Go.


~Sister Joan Sobala

The Perfect Family

Dear Friends,

Sometimes the topic for the coming week’s blog arises from experiencing a whole series of incidents that make the same point. The week before Christmas, a friend told me her nephew was coming into town. The 30 year old middle son of her brother, this son had struck out on his own, and unlike his brothers, did not go to college, but happily took up farming in a rural region of the mid-west. *One of the many Christmas dramas on the Hallmark network included the successful outcome of a struggle of a daughter to be her own person and not accept her mother’s career choice for her.* In Elizabeth George’s novel, Careless in Red, the wise man, Jago, says to Madelyn’s grandfather  "The devil of young people is they got to be allowed to take their own decisions, mate… It’s part of their way to being grown. They take a decision, they make a mistake, and if no one rushes like a fire brigade to save them from the outcome, they  learn from the whole experience. ’Tisn’t  the job of the dad – or the granddad or the mum or the gran – to keep them from learning what they got to learn, mate. What they got to do is to help work out the end of the story.” *And how about the car commercial which pictures the family driving away in their new SUV.  Husband and wife are smiling broadly at each other. Two kids are in the back seat, well dressed and well behaved. The message seems to be: Buy this car and your family life will be perfect. You can add your own stories about choices that family members make for or despite one another.

Family life isn’t perfect or even easy – not for us in our day, not for the Holy Family. In their family, there was an unplanned, unexpected pregnancy.  Can you imagine the discussions that went on between Mary and Joseph? Later, when Jesus was twelve, he stayed behind in Jerusalem, setting off a frantic search for him – hoping he was safe.

The examples I began with, the stories of Mary, Joseph and Jesus tell us that in every age and place, in every culture, the process of growth toward adulthood is always a struggle for everyone involved.

Pope Francis, when he was in the United States in 2015, gave a about Family Life. “The perfect family doesn’t exist—nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife or a perfect mother-in-law. A family is made up of just us sinners. A healthy family requires the frequent use of three phrases: “May I please…”, “Thank You…”, “I’m sorry…”

If any of us – families or individuals – are looking for important New Year’s resolutions, this might be a good and holy place to start:

                Pay attention.  Listen. Encourage your children’s talents. Don’t override their dreams.

                Say “May I please…”, “Thanks You” , “I’m sorry…” 

                Whether you are the parent, grandparent or offspring:

                “May I please…”, “Thank You…”, “ I’m sorry…”

                                      Happy New Year to you and all you love.

~Sister Joan Sobala